that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
accomplished twins. life is a go
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
