you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
