did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
