I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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