Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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