i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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