In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
