I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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