he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm just crazy horny about you
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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