elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
