Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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