A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Come share oat with me in your robe
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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