there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
