Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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