if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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