Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
