So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
