Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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