I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
