Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
