how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
