lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize