I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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