1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
