I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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