the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
