I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
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