glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize