people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
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