can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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