I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
