A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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