i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
