well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
