Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Drunk is not a location!
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
