I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
