Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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