I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
