no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize