I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
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