I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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