So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
