Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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