she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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