I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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