I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I just found puke in my bra..
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
