Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
