his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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