you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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