it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Randomize
