Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
