I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
she looked like the before picture.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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