oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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