I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
