So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
