Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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