Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
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