He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
