Where did you get a picture of my penis
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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