I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Im part way to drunk.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
