shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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