So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
We left an ass print on the piano.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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