so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Randomize
