it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
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