just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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