omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
