Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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