I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
