we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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