I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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