Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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