I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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