call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
