Buhtt sex?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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