Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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