i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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