Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
