I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
