French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize