i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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