Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
