I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
