I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
