I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I love having hate sex.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
