it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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