??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Randomize
