i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
