she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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