dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize