Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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