i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
