Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
