i permit you to call me
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
