I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
