We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
