fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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