She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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