a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
