i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
