Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize