I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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