People in love make me want to vomit
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
