His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
