So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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