It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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